I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
