i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
