i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
