I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
