What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
