i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
