Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
