Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
