DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
