no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
