You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
