so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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