he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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