Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize