If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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