According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
