i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize