Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
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