So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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