dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
