Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
