My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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