oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
