he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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