every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
