you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
