I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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