hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
