Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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