**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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