Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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