How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
