so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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