Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Nobody cheats on THIS.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
