you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize