Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dick very happy bro
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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