420 ftw
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
