What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
