today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
