Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
