Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
