In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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