I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
farters have to be the big spoon...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Randomize
