Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
