I have demons in me.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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