I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
