i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I love you.
Bad choice
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