So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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