Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
