You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
