I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
