Pappa wants mamma naked
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
