I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
