He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
