apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
