would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We talked him into tasing himself.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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