apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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