I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Drunk is a universal language darling
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