I could have mohawked her pubes.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize