I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
