I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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