Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize