i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just invented taco cereal.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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