I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
