I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
