So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
