Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
