Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
