his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
