some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
