I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize