You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I stole a fireplace last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
