TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
