Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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