she woke up with a sticky ear
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize